my new yardstick

I was nine when my mom attended her 15 year high school reunion. for my mom, a single mother without much of a social life at that time, this was a rare event. I don't know that she was especially excited about it, but I think she was curious and that was enough for her. to my knowledge, she hasn't attended one since that summer - more out of lack of interest than anything else.

at that age I still envisioned high school as the point in my life when I earned the title by which I would be known. forever. my peers and I would be defined and that definition would guide the rest of our lives. I was still watching afterschool specials wondering about my first kiss and envisioning dances with big dresses with even bigger sleeves, and making magic moments at lockers. these are the important things at the impressionable age of nine.

so when I anxiously asked my mom if she had fun at her reunion, I was mildly disappointed when she flatly stated:

it wasn't that interesting. all the girls got prettier. all the boys got fat and bald. otherwise, everyone stayed the same.

I wanted to hear more! I wanted stories of rekindling a crush over the punch bowl! and about class awards! and pranks! and dancing! and other people's lives! and all of the other things that really mattered!

regardless of my childhood disappointment, I held that quip in mind as I navigated and graduated from high school. would I really get prettier? would all the boys I crushed on get fat and bald? would everyone stay just as they were? (even what's-her-face, who hated me??)
ten years later, in these months leading up to my first official reunion, there are less surprises than I had hoped. not because people didn't live up to or exceed what I had expected, but simply because I know more about those people than I should. social networking websites have allowed me to forge all of the same alliances I had back then (which is sad in its own way) and have basically allowed me the early preview of what I am going to see this summer. while I am slightly saddened that I already know so much, I realize that this is a consequence of putting my information out there and internet-friending so many of these shadows of friends.

my friend meredith and I sat on my couch before going out on new year's eve and together discussed this phenomenon. we are both satisfied with pieces and parts of the lives we've chosen: we are both unmarried, without children, in transitional jobs, and still experiencing high-school-esque social drama from time to time. we've moved about the country with a certain amount of wanderlust and only occasionally stop by our hometowns. with a certain amount of reassurance, we realized that though the people we used to know once made up our peer group - whether in primary school, high school, college or beyond - many are no longer our true peer groups. in those cases, their lives filled with things opposite mine (and/or hers) and cannot therefore be the yardstick against which we measure our lives.

thanks to sites like facebook, my reunion will be less of a surprise. but thanks to real conversation and real friends like meredith, I think I am more prepared for the moment . I am finally learning how to separate myself from that defining mentality. despite the availability of the yardstick of 1999, I am judging myself less by the standards of my 18-year-old peers and more by the standards of those actually around me.

I may still be trying to decide if I'm headed in the right direction overall, but at least my measurement is true.