in-formality

I spent $48 dollars on a flower arrangement last week. that amount is, at this somewhat fortunate point in my fair city, about as much as it will cost me to purchase a full tank of gas this week.

I would like to tell you that the flower arrangement was for my only living grandparent in michigan. I got a letter from her last week, and though I will see her in two weeks, I haven't talked to her in twelve. but memaw will get flowers soon enough.

I would like to tell you that it was for a friend. doesn't matter which friend, just someone I enjoy would have sufficed. I once sent something just as pricey to a friend who lost his bid for the vice presidency at mizzou. and while I didn't own a car at the time, the purchase hurt my wallet just as much. but I found satisfaction in knowing that I made such a gesture because I knew I would have appreciated it. he still talks about it.

come to think of it, I used to bring flowers to my teachers when I was a kid! straight out of the yard, tulips and lilies and hyacinths, wrapped in wet paper towels and ziplocs, and carefully guarded on the bus. so I would like to tell you that I brought the flowers to someone whom I admired as much as I admired those teachers.

but I didn't.

I gave the flowers to my boss.

for those of you not in the working world, last thursday was boss's day. had I not been reminded by the other ladies in my office who are on my staffing level, I wouldn't have given the holiday one thought. I might have gotten a card or something small and cute... but never would I have independently thought to buy her such a thing. I don't dislike her, but I also don't think I regard her as highly as the people I mentioned above. so I suppose it was peer pressure, as the ladies who reminded me also reminded me that they were going to the flower shop across the street to chip in for an arrangement for their boss. and our two bosses share an admin... who was super-excited at the thought of both bosses getting flowers.

you get the idea.

so there I was, recovering from the mildly awkward ceremony of presenting the flowers, when I thought: at what point do we drop formalities? at what point are we comfortable enough that we do something, like giving someone flowers, out of a positive connection, instead of an expected association?

I'm sure it has something to do with love, or at least fondness. and I'm pretty sure that the scale slides... if you're one for formality to begin with... depending on the social hierarchy of the situation. but what I really wonder is, what makes us treat people on the secondary levels of our lives like first-class citizens, while those on the primary level can alternately be venerated and walked-on as we see fit?

I'm still asking myself almost a week later, and have yet to come up with a solid answer.

part of that inability to answer stems from the fact that I had a rough weekend. a rough weekend of my own doing; a rough weekend that relates back to part of my personality that I don't flaunt; a rough weekend that had been coming, but could have been handled differently. I treated a primary person in my life like a secondary character, like I didn't care how my actions affected our relationship... partly because I felt like I'd reached a level of informality with him that allowed me to act without consequence.

but I am old enough to know that there is never a case for such a thing. I know that acting without regard or respect for another person, no matter how well I know them, is inexcusable.

I wonder if I could learn to treat more people like I was about to give them something rich, cheerful, and fun - like a karmic flower arrangement - each time I saw them. I wonder how to integrate a sincere level of formality back into my life.