once learned from a republican

in the 1992 election, this politically-eager sixth-grader was named the republican campaign manager in the mock election taking place in my advanced english class. a week later I flip-flopped and changed sides, after having a lunch-time talk with my democratic counterpart in which he cited some of the basic tenants of the democratic party and platform. I eventually failed that project for "not sticking by my original charge" but at least I felt better about my endorsements for the dems.

my flip, I think, was the result of being raised neutral. my mother raised scott and me without a definitive religion or political party. she allowed both of us to experiment with (or, in my case, completely neglect) organized religions, but will have intelligent philosophical discussions on anything posed. she will still, to this day, often not tell me which party she voted for in national, state, or local elections, for fear that it will bias my opinion going into the voting booth. so, I can theorize the media-related reasons I allowed myself to be elected as republican campaign manager at that age, and why, when I realized what I actually stood for, I promptly went democrat.

this year, I am an obama girl. (in fact, I think it's time to post the one picture I have from the obama rally I attended in st louis in february.) I am all for someone who formed his political roots doing the kind of community organizing I went to school for and hope to do some day. he draws his ideas and hopes for the future from the experiences he gathered in this setting. he served others in small ways, and continues to grow those ways to make bigger impacts, while searching for the answer that is most fair to all. and that's something I can respect.

without trying to be partisan, I have to admit right now that the republican ticket rubs me the wrong way this year. there is something entirely too socially conservative, too religious, too extremist about it. part of that ticket, the vice presidential nominee, particularly irks me. and until last night, I couldn't quite determine why.

as I read and listened to media reports of republican supporters stating that they liked the VP nominee for sticking to her family values in the case of her pregnant daughter, I became stuck. I argued in my head that there must be some kind of wrong in this situation.

and I finally found it.

paulo freire, in his 1960s grassroots manual for community organizers and those they serve, the pedagogy of the oppressed, said one of my favorite things: "those who authentically commit themselves to the people must re-examine themselves constantly." this quote, to me, sums up my exact feeling that we should not be lauded for our ability to stick by our values blindly, but to stick by them when we have thoroughly examined a situation, its solutions and alternatives, and have ended up in the spot where we are most comfortable.

that each time a new issue or hardship arises, we make an effort to reassess our morals, values and knowledge and make sure that our response not only suits the situation correctly, but also serves in the best interest of others.

that we never truly "know" what's good for others, because we recognize that the needs of others, and our perceptions of and responses to their needs, change constantly.

that blanket statements and groupthink mentality regarding social issues often miss the subtle nuances of everyday humanism, and prevent us from ever really knowing what we believe at a given time.

I cannot respect someone simply for their values-based judgment if they cannot prove to me that they re-examine or questions their own values once in a while. just like I cannot respect someone who flip-flops on an issue simply because they were told that it was in their best politcal interest to do so. I think that all such decisions must come from knowledge gained and internal judgment, and, more importantly, they must come with and admission - to one's self and one's constituents - that re-examination happened, a decision has been made based on such changing circumstances, and values were altered for the better.

so, in this election year set afire by new and old faces alike, what I am figuring out now holds true to what I acted on in 1992: I will not allow myself to endorse something in which I don't believe - but I need a minute to figure out what it is that I truly believe in, so that I might act boldly for the best interest of everyone else around me. and I will remain unimpressed by republicans until their someone in their party shows me the same kind of self-awareness.