from anaphylaxis to zombies

while mindlessly munching my way through a small tub of carob-covered raisins yesterday morning, I stumbled on my current greatest fear - a single raw sunflower seed at the bottom of the tub.

I already know, per my very limiting diet and extensive list of allergies, that I should absolutely avoid the bulk aisle at whole foods (or anywhere, for that matter). but I am assured by the bulk buyer that he's got some things I can eat... and carob-covered raisins, being one of them, are probably my favorite candy on the planet. so though I should stay out of the bulk aisle, I am often lured to its cross-contaminated bins by the promise of a candy I can't get anywhere else.

this single seed, however, was a bit of a shock. to date, sunflower seeds were the cause of my worst allergic reaction - an episode of anaphylaxis that was scarily quick and just as quickly quieted with a high dose of benadryl. earlier this weekend, in fact, I'd picked up a stray potato chip from one of the hand baskets at work and almost instantly developed an uncomfortable rash between two of my fingers from the sunflower oil on the chip. so, facing one in the middle of my carob-y goodness was rather jarring, and it got me to thinking: if I am most afraid of a small achene and a few stone fruits - some of the only things that can kill me as I stand - should I really be all that afraid of anything else?

I would like to say "no." but I'm honest, so you know that's not the case.

I am one of those people who is admittedly afraid of scary movies, and lately will refuse to watch them for fear of nightmares. at age six, I was the kid who thought vampires were real and didn't fall asleep unless the blankets were pulled up to my chin and the hallway light was on. I will walk through any neighborhood or building during the day, but leave me in my mom's dark basement at night without a flashlight and I might cry.

late yesterday evening I found myself at my friend john's apartment, making pizza, playing with his puppy, and being talked into watching a zombie movie. i am legend, which, it turns out, is actually based on a book and set of previous films that were actually about vampires, is not something I would have seen in the theaters. of course, the behavioral social worker that I am, I was entirely more interested in the plot bits regarding adaptive psychological traits of the hero and the antagonists, but I was shaking at the turn of each hemocyte head nonetheless.

for everyone's future reference, I am also afraid of: abandoned buildings, being jailed/kidnapped/otherwise detained in a foreign country, deep water, dark spaces, gremlins, guns, hostile alien takeovers, knife fights, papercuts, serial killers, spider bites, rabid monkeys, tree nuts, tsunamis, and watching other people die.

but none of these, honestly, are as scary as that centimeter-long seed I saw yesterday morning, for most of them will never enter my personal bubble for longer than the 120 minutes spent in a theater. maybe I'll just be more careful in my edible and watchable selections.