expiration dates

I wait for days to expire so I can avoid doing the things I don't want to do and can get closer to the things I do want to do.

in trying to write an epic post about this statement, I realized that it's a crappy way to live and gave up on trying to justify it eloquently. the truth is, it's all I can do right now... I can only survive in a state a looking forward, of waiting for things to end so other things (that are hopefully good) will come along.

I rarely enjoy the moment anymore, and when I do, I feel like I can't tell anyone about it because it will only ruin that moment in my memory. which is sad, because I used to have so many little moments, so many reasons to love where I was and what I was doing, but also look forward to experiencing more of that. I need to get back to that state of mind.