blocked

the problem with creating a blog and telling people about it, and with having access to a computer everyday, is that there is then the expectation for you to write something once in a while. this is not an easy task.

it is easy for me to write when I finally... just write. do I feel bad when there is no point to what I'm saying? yes, which makes me not want to just write. in fact, I usually look down upon people who post blogs or bulletins or comments that have absolutely no point whatsoever except to alleviate their own boredom. so when I "just write," I have a tendency to edit and save until I have a point; then I can publish or post without fear that someone will look down on me the way I do on their ridiculous pontifications regarding nothing.

I know myself, I know my patterns. I know that when I am too busy, when I am giving all of my attention to something else completely, I allow myself to be content with doing nothing in other areas of life. this is not uncommon. in fact, I think it's fairly universally known that once something goes X way, something else in your life is bound to go Y way. it's life's more-equal and more-consistent version of checks & balances.

I digress.

knowing my patterns, and knowing the events of the five weeks I've been through since my last post, it is perfectly clear to me why I haven't written anything: I don't have time to edit my writing when I'm too busy editing the sad parts of my life.

I am grateful to you, dear readers and friends, for listening to my silence, and understanding its meaning as no reflection on my feelings for you or for writing but on my general state of mind, and for filling the space with more of your presence in my life.