a good start

as I seek to become a more open and optimistic person, I am learning that giving people a chance is more of an internal battle than I previously thought. for me, giving people a chance used to be about hoping that they would give me a chance, and shutting them out if I didn’t think they would. when I realized that I could at least control half of the chance-giving equation, my perspective on the whole thing changed. why couldn’t I let people start conversations with me? why can’t I just roll with a social situation and enjoy the simple pleasure of small talk? what do I have to lose by letting my guard down a little and just letting the universe present me with options for entertainment?

who am I to deny someone the chance to show me that they are amazing?

this last thought started forming in my head right about the time I started working at whole foods. as I pushed carts or bagged groceries, tasks that I had previously thought were meant more for high school aged boys, I started to think about my own personal biases. people don’t know me at all, but I wonder how they might be judging me at this very moment. and I wonder how I’m judging them, just from what I see right here, right now. simple thought, nothing too deep, nothing outlandishly original…

that thought grew as I became a cashier and was forced to have more conversations with a steady stream of people. customers, fellow team members, new co-workers, old friends, and random people on the street all have their own set of quirks, of preferences, of things to offer. once I started to realize that I could entertain myself by noticing and celebrating all of these hidden attributes, I started to find ways - bad jokes, questions about products, genuine "how are you's" - to enjoy what could have been a dull or degrading job.

when a fellow team member asked me to go to an event at the botanical gardens with him, I allowed myself to think, why not? he seems nice, I have yet to go to the botanical gardens, and I have nothing to lose by going and getting to know him, even if nothing comes of it. it turns out that I was completely right: while he’s way too young for me to date, he isn’t too young for me to be friends with him, and he’s actually ridiculously creative, sincere, and funny. nothing like a moment of satisfaction after a gamble to make you feel like anything’s possible.

that was just the first of multiple opportunities for me to get to know new people, or new things about people. it seems that the more open I make myself to allowing others to entertain me, the more the universe gives me the chance to allow it, and to allow it in all areas of my life.

I got a phone number from a man yesterday after we spent the morning in jury duty together. he was a chatty sort of guy, willing to talk to almost anyone and genuinely interested in and enthusiastic about their willingness to respond. he was middle-aged, friendly-faced, with forgettable features and a polite manner of speaking. we hadn’t actually talked while stuck in the jurors’ lounge. by coincidence and a fluke in the juror rolls, I had someone I’d known for a few years in the jury pool with me, so I spent the morning talking to my friend. this new guy was never more than a table away from us, and I watched all morning and afternoon as people around us responded or shut him out. after shutting him out myself a few times, I finally gave in when he made a bad joke in the elevator. we ended up talking for the entire five-block walk between the courthouse and the parking garage, and the conversation left me feeling intelligent, interesting, and energized.

in thinking about it today, I realize that he’s a step beyond me – he will go out of his way to start conversations for his own entertainment, whereas I’m just going to enjoy allowing other people to start conversations with me for their own entertainment with an occasional outreaching moment – but I think I’ll get there pretty quickly. I probably won’t call him… really, those odds are pretty safe… but I will think about him from now on when I’m a new social situation. that feeling of being interesting to someone else and being left energized from a new thought is pretty addictive and ultimately very satisfying.